I'm sorry, but I've got a bone to pick with... well... the whole of the fashion industry. No, it's not trend based or model related (well, maybe a tad), nor is it to do with the fact that so many people condoned the selling of Crocs. It is, and sorry to sound so greedy and trivial, about canapes.
I realise some of you have just thought 'WHAT is he on about?' and pulled a face at your screen, but I'm actually thinking there are more of you nodding and already agreeing with what I am about to say...
WHERE HAVE THEY DISAPPEARED TO??????
I've witnessed first hand, along with a lot of you, canape size shrinking so rapidly, so unexpectedly, to practically nipple-size. I ask you, event organisers, what good is that to anyone? Granted, the definition of a canape is something small as a taster, but come on, it's like inhaling a small breath of flavoured air!
Being invited to all these fabulous events is such an honour, in fact I never thought I'd ever go to some of the parties I've attended, but I do feel that to match the amount of alcohol being handed out (I'm not a big drinker), surely the canapes should be a bit, well, meatier (so to speak, I'm a veggie remember!).
Season after season we hear of 'size-zero gate' on the catwalk, and week after week in the mags we see teeny tiny celebs getting even smaller (much like the canaps - spelling mistake intentional) to reveal collar bones and all sorts, but that's them. Not all of us can survive on one piece of protein a day or a lettuce leaf just to fit into couture. And, what's more, when you've done a full days work and only managed to survive on Starbucks (come on, I know a lot of you do it too!), and then head off to an event, you kind of want a 3-course meal with your glass of champers. Or at least a mini hamburger. A one centimetre square of whipped air will NOT suffice.
Stella McCartney got it right a couple of weeks back at her Adidas collection preview - full on bowls of veggie shepherds pie, gourmet sandwiches AND amaze cakes. That's what I call a spread!
So event planners and PRs alike, I implore you, PLEASE re-think your canapes coz quite frankly, I'M STARVING!
I know, right?? I look to the events for my next meal. God, I sound like a tramp don't I?? Although Quentin Crisp did actually stop buying food and just relied on the peanuts and champers at events!
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